America the Beautiful or America the Ugly?

Yes, I’m young and yes I’m white. That doesn’t mean I don’t seen the struggle minorities have faced day to day. In fact, some of my closest friends are of color. They have different views than me politically, yet we still all get along and respect each others’ opinions.

But this post isn’t about me, it’s about the crisis America is facing right now.

In the past couple weeks, events have happened in our homeland, all in different locations. You would think America, what has been known as the greatest country on Earth for years would come together. You would think that is would bring us closer rather than tear us apart, but you would think wrong.

Instantly, we fight. No civil discussions, just insulting one another over the internet because someone doesn’t believe in the same points you do.

Here’s what we know:

-On the early morning of June 12th, Omar Mateen invaded Pulse Night Club in Orlando, Florida. He then proceeded to commit the deadliest mass shooting in AMERICAN HISTORY. Instead of mourning the loss of the 49 victims, the controversies began. Uncivil debates about gun control and LGBT rights filled our social media, as well as debates on terrorism.

– Soon after, Police stopped a man armed with an automatic rifle at an LGBT Pride parade in California, and debates continued.

-Fast forward to this past week. On July 5th, Alton Sterling was killed in a struggle with police officers. A civilian pulled out his cellphone and began recording the event, which the video eventually ending after Sterling had been shot and killed.Sterling was selling Cd’s when a homeless man approached him asking for money. Sterling denied the man multiple times, as the man was persistent. Finally, Sterling showed the man his gun and said “I told you to leave me alone.” The homeless man than proceeded to call 911. This is all according to a source from CNN. Sterling struggled with police officers as they brought him down, and we hear one of them yell “GUN!” A few seconds later, gunshots go off as the camera turns away,and when it comes back we see a motionless Alton sterling lying dead with an officer lying down with a gun pointed at him.

Debates once again flared as “Black Lives Matter (BLM) vs All Lives Matter (ALM)” was set for another round, and it was the same old arguments, except this time, guns were brought in. Should Alton Sterling been able to have a gun with a prior record? Both sides use that question to further their agendas. BLM say we need more gun control and ALM says he shouldn’t have had a gun in the first place.

-Then last night, Dallas happened. 12 police officers shot, 7 wounded, 5 dead. They were protecting a PEACEFUL PROTEST, when to snipers took extreme measures to what I guess you could say “exact revenge” on the police from what has happened. The debates now are getting ugly, as we have many people who have known each other for years attack each other with words because they believe in different solutions or because they hate the other point of view so much they are unable to listen to the other sides arguments. Keep in mind, according to a journalist covering the protest, it was in fact a peaceful protest that was starting to wind down before gunshots were fired. There was no violence between police officers and protesters.


Yes we are young, and older generations can claim that we are ruining this country all they want, but in reality, we have the key to fix what was once a great nation. It’s time we start making America beautiful again. Instead of fighting with each other and insulting each other, lets have civil discussions that are actually going to get us places. I can see minorities have their struggle in this country, and many BLM supporters are in fact not violent and want to bring change that helps our country grow.. I can see most police officers serve and protect the way they are supposed to, and are in fact not racist.

But the saying “One bad apple spoils the bunch” could never be more true in this day an age. The minority of a group always tarnishes the reputation of the majority. When we have extremists for each group yelling hate towards the other group, they provide a false narrative to what each group stands for.

Like I said, it is time the younger generation steps up and leads by example. Let us bring civil discussion back and let’s improve our country to the best it can possibly be. We are the future.

We whites are not the majority.

People of Color you are not the minority.

We are all Americans, and it’s about damn time we started acting like it.

Lets make America the Ugly into America the Beautiful again.

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Look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself, do you like who you see? Not the person looking back at you, but the person you see yourself becoming, your future self.

Are you taking opportunities, learning from experiences, professing feelings for that special someone, and overall, living life to the fullest?

If not don’t beat yourself up, especially about not telling someone how you feel. Urban Dictionary’s definition for unrequited love is “It’s like drowning except you just won’t fucking die.” Relating to the topic, I posted a picture of it on my Instagram, a way of showing how I feel without revealing who I feel this way for.  Then, someone special commented with the perfect response, “That’s why you have life jackets.”

“That’s why you have life jackets.”


There is always hope.

Never give up on that person, that love, if you think it has the slightest chance of going somewhere. She may not know it now, but things like this have their ways of surfacing. And if you’re lucky enough, she will feel the same way.

Late Night Thoughts Volume 3: Confidence



Some people have it naturally. They don’t have to worry about anything. They don’t have a fear of rejection. They don’t worry about failing.

Everything comes natural to them.

And then there is the other side of the line.

Other’s lack confidence. Others like me.

I struggle with the topic. I look into my past and struggle with the decisions I’ve made, why I’ve made them, who I’ve made them with.

Concern. Every move I’ve ever made, every decision I’ve made, I was always concerned.

I always wonder if I made the right choice, always second guessing myself.

No confidence. Zero.

The people who have confidence may come across as cocky, but in all honestly who can blame them? They are living life, no regrets, enjoying the short time they have in the world.

The people who are second guessing, playing life safe, struggle with confidence. Past experiences, anxiety, and nervousness, it all plays a factor.This burden we have limits how we live our life because in almost every important event that occurs in life, confidence is key.

Am I confident these are the people I want to hang out with?

Am I confident this is what I want to do with my life?

Am I confident this is where I want to go to school?

Am I confident this is who I want to be with?

Am I confident this is what I should spend my money on?

Am I confident with how I look?

Am I confident in these answers?

Am I confident with what I’m writing?

Am I confident with me?

Everything revolves around confidence.

When you come from a past where your trust was broken time and time again, when people you cared about deeply just walked away and disappeared out of no where, where all of your decisions were second guessed, you start to question your own purpose.

Why am I even here?

Why does everyone leave me?

Why is do I feel alone in a world of 7 billion people?



Confidence is a life changing belief.

It takes years to build, but only a moment to destroy.


A Day Through the Eyes of a Stranger

He wakes up like it’s any other work day, get dressed, skips breakfast, and goes. Nothing out of the ordinary. He set up my work station once he clock in.

About ten minutes after the he finishes setting up, the first of many customers for the day come in. As a formality, the customer asks how he is. Tell him the truth and he doesn’t provide the friendly atmosphere his workplace requires, so he lies, knowing most customers aren’t going to really care about what he responds with anyway.

“I’m doing well.” he says, knowing that’s the answer they are expecting.

This goes on for the remainder of his shift. But throughout it, he can’t help but wonder what others think of him. He overhears conversations about people talking bad about others, and he can only wonder what is said about himself.

Actually this goes on throughout the day, at work, in Wal-Mart, his own apartment, literally everywhere. It’s like an itch he can’t get rid off, constant thoughts running around his mind like it’s a track.

He walks in public wondering how he is going to embarrass himself that day. He wonders what is wrong with him. What’s wrong with him that no one invites him out anywhere?What’s wrong with him that he just sits in his room all day and doesn’t receive a message from anybody? What’s wrong with him that the person he wants to be with sees a ghost, knowing a person is there but not what the person is like inside?

He wonders if people judge him as bad as he thinks they do.

He wonders why he feels tortured.

He wonders why he feels alone.

He wonders why him.

Why him?

He feels like he’s done with it all. He feels like if he disappeared no one would notice. He feels like ending it all in one simple minute. He feels like no one would care.

He fears the afterlife. He fears what would happen if he wasn’t around. He fears if he’s wrong.

His thoughts begin to change.


He wonders if there is nothing wrong with him, but he actually hasn’t found his purpose.

He wonders if he was wrong about people not caring about him, but people care for him deeply.

He wonders if his fears are nothing to fear, but something to deny the possibility of happening.

He then goes to sleep and wakes up the next morning, knowing there is alwasy hope for the next day.

I know my posts as of late have been depressing and sad, but when you go through a hard time you have to find your own therapy to deal with the issues. Getting my thoughts out in writing helps me sleep, knowing that there is hope that I’m not (7).jpeg



A Little Thing Called Love

It starts as soon as we are born

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There are many different types.


It surrounds and consumes most of our daily lives.

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In a way, it’s what keeps us motivated to become better.

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But it also is a root of many of our problems.

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What is this thing we call love?

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From birth, we feel it from our parents, most of us anyway. From that moment, most parents want what is best for their child in their lives. That is one of the few things that never change in life.

Love seems to have different stages and seems to be the gateway for all the emotions that we feel throughout the day. Parental love eventually isn’t enough for one’s life. When that beautiful baby turns five, he/she starts kindergarten. We all saw the one kid who we thought was cute, but were too scared of cooties to say anything.

Eventually all of that changes, and our journey to find a love we want to last a lifetime begins. We have our first “girlfriend” or “boyfriend” in middle school, and the journey only expands from there.

High School comes around and the ship begins to take off. Love provides not only the joy and happiness in one’s lives, but also most pain and sorrow. Whether it’s breaking up, or not being noticed by that blue eyed wonder until it’s too late, love seems to provide the majority of pain in the growing years.

We all turn down perfectly good people because they are flawed in some way, all just because we are searching for the one person who can make our lives whole. It could be attractiveness, personality, ego, or just no sparks are flying between the two.

Then you have what I like to call the “lucky ones”, those of us who we know our entire lives, have an instant connection with, and are able to be with each other without jumping through all the hoops no questions asked. We all aspire to have a love like these people. We envision it, we embrace it, we ask for it, and eventually, when the time is right, we receive it.

Love. It provides the joys, it provides the sorrow and pain, it provides the adventure. This little thing called love, defines who we are, who we’ve become, and who we strive to be.

We are Only 20 Years Old, BUT…

I’m only 20 years old, but I’ve watched my family be torn apart from the inside.

She’s only 20 years old, but she’s already lost a friend she called a brother.

He’s only 20 years old, but he has never had a real relationship with his parents.

She’s only 20 years old, but she has already lost the person she aspired to be.

We are only 20 years old, but we’ve been through a lifetime of pain.




I’m only 20 years old, but I’ve been told I’m useless.

She’s only 20 years old, but everyone she has loved has left.

He’s only 20 years old, but he didn’t live to see 21.

She’s only 20 years old, but he has already had life altering surgery.

We are only 20 years old, but we’ve been through a lifetime of pain.



I’m only 20 years old, but I’m finding my way back

She’s only 20 years old, but she’s overcome a broken home.

He’s only 20 years old, but he’s already saved dozens of lives.

She’s only 20 years old, but she has the wisdom of a 50 year old.

We’re only 20 years old, but we are NOT ONLY 20 years old.




I’m only 20 years old, but I’m supporting myself financially.

She’s only 20 years old, but she’s already in medical school.

He’s only 20 years old, but he’s created a next generation of technology.

She’s only 20 years old, but she’s on her way to changing the world.

We are 20 years old, but our stories are only beginning.






Late Night Thoughts: Volume 2

It’s the struggle.



A struggle is what defines a person’s life. The constant choices, decisions, dilemmas that we all face, they all feel like a boulder coming at us down a ramp, and there is no escape.6359108530478803001617573448_1112-gmat-struggle-970-630x420


We all go through our routines throughout the day. Some are complicated, some are simple. Mine is more on the simple side.



But as I think to myself about how generic my days are, how plain they are, I can’t help but crave for something more.

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Life is supposed to be an adventure, but I feel like I haven’t experienced an adventure, I feel like I’ve experienced a checklist. I was born, went through grade school, got into college, and am currently in college. Next would be to get a job, buy a house, buy a car, the whole nine yards.

I find myself at work hearing my coworkers talk and discuss all of these fun, crazy times they’ve experienced. However, when I go to speak, nothing comes out because I can’t think of anything that would be interesting to share. My fun, crazy times are always in my mind, and I experience them every night.

My public life seems generic, but is that necessarily a bad thing?

You see, my dreams are anything but generic. My dreams are like movies every night. Some have a plot, others are just scenes. My adventures in life have so far come through my mind, a place where I can write it down. My adventures in dreams  are what make this writing hobby of mine so great. I always have new material, it’s just up to me to put the puzzle together.


One day I know I’ll meet the person who understands why I live the way I do. The person who not only understands the struggles I’ve gone through to get to this point in my life, but a person who acknowledges it as a strength of mine.

I have all the material I need, I just need that last piece of the puzzle. Once she comes along, an all new adventure can begin.


Be you

Nothing but you

And always stay true

To who you are